I toss in my bed late at night as I ponder deep questions. I am a troubled man. Why? Over 500,000 people live in Gwinnett county - and I doubt that a single one of them is growing a greater pumpkin than I am.

My heart cries out to these lost souls! We do NOT need 4 more lanes on Buford Highway; we need a community composting program, like saner communities 5% of our size.

I believe I am being called to take this message to the masses: people, pull up your tomatoes! Roto-till your bermuda! The age of the giant, mutant pumpkin is at hand!!!