The Sleeping Giant Will Soon Awaken

I wish I was going to be around to experience it.

But the Hatchers leave town for a week Monday morning.

The vine should grow 3 to 5 feet while we're gone, if it keeps raining.




I'm a little worried about the way the vine is growing straight up. But there's always something to worry about, right? (She'll be unprotected from the deer next week too.)

Let's Give a Warm Welcome...

To Mr. Pokey, the Syringe of Liquid Death!

In previous years, I've spent countless hours searching every inch of the plant for signs that squash borers were destroying the vine from inside out.

Once I found the signs, I would carefully use a knife to cut open the vine or leaf and extract the grub. If the wound was big enough, I'd close it with duct tape.

This summer will be different. I will spent countless hours searching every inch of the plant for squash borers. But then, I'll inject liquid death straight into the plant using a syringe!

Hey Andy, that was a brilliant idea of throwing a tarp over the pumpkin cage for hail protection. I wish I could think of clever ideas like that quickly, but with the wind blasting and the hailstones coming down... nope. Good thing there wasn't bad damage or I'd really feel dumb.

If y'all want to see what a *real* Georgia grower's patch looks like, check out the diary of my buddy Lee:

Lee's Diary

"As unsettling as I found the material to be, the book was well written and well-paced."














That's an actual quote from an actual literary review.

I'll go out on a limb and call it one of the most influential literary contributions of our generation!

That's a bit of a stretch since I haven't read it yet.

Here are a couple of quotes from Amazon reviews:

"... this is a very dangerous book. It sucks in people who like a challenge."

"... shows that growers have lives outside of pumpkin growing as well."

"Bill Clinton understands the challenges {apparently an expert on giant Arkansas watermelons): "If you give it too much water and the skin breaks, you're eliminated. And if you give it too little, somebody else beats you because they've got a bigger melon or a bigger pumpkin. So like at the end, under very tense circumstances, there are these constant judgment calls. It's kind of like being President."

"I didn't linger over Backyard Giants. I devoured it."

The Moral of the Story















Do you ever have fantasies? Daydreams about pumpkins, of course. During team meetings at work, I often sit there and fantasize about hailstorms, and I'll go out with a big umbrella and save the pumpkin and be the hero.

Whatever. It works for me. Really.

Well, the hailstorm blew through Duluth tonight. I ran out with my tiny travel umbrella to do my duty, live my dream.

I was soaked and worried I might be killed by lightning and began to reconsider. In a hurry, because I was being stung by the hailstones.

In the end, I wasn't electrocuted and the pumpkin leaves were ripped up some but I think she'll recover.

Here you go, Andy.

Gotta have a milk jug for perspective.

Wednesday I'll share my first impressions of the New York Time's Smash hit, "Backyard Giants - The Passionate, Heartbreaking, and Glorious Quest to Grow the Biggest Pumpkin Ever". It's an awesome book!

A Sleeping Giant

They're so cute when they're little.

Yeah right.

Time to wake the girl up.

I smell a seaweed bath in her future.

That would wake the dead.

And kill the living too.

Did I Plant the Right Seed?

Maybe I stuck a begonia in the ground by mistake?
Maybe the relentless fertilizer overdoses are confusing the plant?
Shouldn't that much nitrogen at least turn it dark green?
















I think I have these same questions every year... I'm sure everything is fine.

The plant seemed to like the bath ok. But still she sits...

For those of you who may be new, this happens every year. The plant sits for a couple of weeks not doing much. Then the genetics kick in and she explodes and pretty soon the vines are growing a foot a day.

Time for the Kid's First Bath

A bath of Norwegian sea sludge? Well ok, if it 's good for her, I'm cool with it.

But those fools at Ortho, what are they thinking??? Didn't they consider that someday somebody might want to pump Norwegian Sea Sludge through their hose sprayers? Idiots.

I'm supposed to spray at 2 ounces per gallon, but I get nothing. It is stopped up? 3 ounces - nothing. Ok, crank it up to 8 ounces of sea sludge. It'll either kill her or make her stronger!

A Rant Against Norwegians

I could start by asking, why do you chose to live in such a snow-bound desolate country? But since I more or less choose to live in Atlanta, I can hardly throw that kind of stone.

Are you folks from Norway aware that your oceans harbor the nastiest seaweed on the planet?! I mixed up some of your fancy seaweed fertilizer this weekend, and the results were totally disgusting:
















Trust me, it smells worse than it looks. And by the way, you losers from Oregon have some totally nasty fish living in your oceans. I mixed some Oregon fish guts in there too. Even the cats thought it was gross...
















But pumpkins are supposed to thrive on this stuff. We'll give Jemimah a bath in it tomorrow and see what happens. And in the meantime, you folks in Norway...

DON'T GO SWIMMING!

The Goal is 500 Pounds















I don't think I've mentioned that before. It seems pretty doable if disaster doesn't strike. For now, Jemimah is happy and growing - that's going to b e a nice first set of leaves before long!

Oh, and I think the plant will be a week old on Monday. That sounds like a perfect time to give her a first bath!

I've Created Life!















That's a healthy set of leaves. I dug the seedling up and repositioned it last night so the vine will grow in the right direction when it gets started.

I'm stared to death of the deer, but for now the kid is happy and healthy and growing - and that's all a proud parent can ask for!