Mid-Life Crisis

Sometimes I toss and turn in the early hours of the morning, unable to sleep.

"Eight pounds a day... is that all there is? Isn't there something more out there somewhere?"

Then I sigh a big sigh and remind myself, "It'll be ok John. After all, that means Lulu is gaining over 50 pounds a week."

My family tries to be supportive. "Honey, it's a very pretty pumpkin!"

Well family, this isn't a beauty contest, she isn't an 'it', and you might try calling her by her real name, you know.

But I'm just being grumpy because of my mid-life crisis. I think I'll go gulp down my meds and then go spray some fertilizer.