Am I Losing My Edge?

Late at night. Just before dawn. That's when the doubt sets in.

Do I have what it takes to grow a monster? Or have I lost that burning desire that separates champions from wannabes?

I guess I'll find out starting April 20th, which is Planting Day.

The Year of Jemima

In the past, I've waited until I've pollinated a fruit before I officially named it. Not this year. This year's monster is going to be Jemima.

Why Jemima? Well, all pumpkins are female to begin with. I like a good southern name, and all the better if it's a name you associate with a big old gal. After all, I'm trying to grow A BIG OLD GAL!

Beyond that... before she was immortalized by the Syrup Cartel, Jemima was a daughter of Job. That's right, the Job from the old testament. Now Job I can relate to... I figure I've suffered about as much in my pumpkin growing as he did from disease and pestilence. Anyway, at the end of the story, God rewarded Job with the three most beautiful women on earth for his daughters. One of those daughters was Jemima.

So to sum it up, I'm planning to grow a big old Southern syrup-lickin' beautiful pumpkin, and we will name her Jemima!

Weapon of Mass Destruction

This is my handy-dandy Venus 2000 (or is it my Serena 2000?), the weapon I've used in the past to kill the squash borer moths.

But to fight off the deer, I've felt a need to upgrade the arsenal...











Yeah, I'm feelin' good, feelin' fine. Shooting Fluffy from the back porch would cause me to commit a large handful of misdemeanors, but no felony.

But there are at least eight Fluffies. Do they even make semi-automatic hunting bows?

It All Begins with the Dirt

I'd like to send a heart-felt message to Ryland Homes, who imported the fill dirt in my back yard. "Ryland, You Suck!!!"

This isn't dirt at all. It's about 40% rock, 40% clay, and 20% something in between. No wonder the grass won't grow.






I can fix this, but it isn't easy. First, I chisel out all of the rock and clay. All of it.

Then, I add lots of the favorite food of worms world wide: coffee grounds.










Good pumpkin dirt is supposed to contain at least 10% organic material. I prefer close to 100% myself. So let's add a foot of leaves and some cow manure and some compost and let it age all winter. I'll get a picture of the result up tomorrow.

A Delayed Start for the 2008 Blog

Why the late start? I was going to begin on March 1st. By chance, the family was at the breakfast table that Saturday morning, when Jancie exclaimed, "Look! The deer are back!"

Well now - we hadn't seen the EVP (Evil Pumpkin Menace) since July. The kids were excited. I was nauseous to the point of suffering a small stroke. They pranced out of the woods... 1, 2, 3... 5... 8! Eight deer in the pack. I sat there thinking, "Aren't they supposed to be pulling a sleigh?"

Anyway, it sort of took the wind out of my sails for a while. But it's time to get cranked up f0r the growing season, Minions of Evil or not. I'll be posting twice a week or so until planting day, which will be about April 20th.

I'm Shutting Down the Blog

Because I'm out of business for 2007. Fluffy destroyed the first plant. She maimed the second, and I pulled it after that. Earlier this week, I killed the third and final plant. (I'd rather not say what happened, but if you're curious you can ask and I'll tell you. It's embarrassing.)

Failure is common in competitive pumpkin growing, as it is in all full-contact sports. Sure I'm bummed, but I've learned a lot. The blog will be back in January as I gear up for a successful 2008 season.

Until then, if you're out driving late one night, and you see any deer grazing by the side of the road... do me a favor if you would... swerve and plaster their guts all over the ditch, ok?

See you in 2008!

Who Turned Up the Heat!?!?

Geez, I spend a week in New England (motto: Georgia Summer Weather Sucks) and it's like being hit with a hammer when we step off the airplane here. What did y'all do while I was gone?

The irrigation system blew out at some point. If it had ruptured a few inches down, the pumpkin plant would have been washed away when it happened. As it is, everything was bone dry and the plant hasn't grown much, but it's in decent shape.

It's a wonder that any plant can live in this dadgum heat.

I'm leaving town for a week, so here's a quick update:

The new plant transplanted well, and I've got the irrigation system turned on again. I think vine borer season is probably over, so come on and get busy growing, new plant!

I've got a new name for the pumpkin if I get another this year (the name Magnolia is shot now). I'll explain why this is such an excellent name when we get back from Boston. But here's a hint:












(And Andy, I've been enjoying your comments - thanks!)

Fluffy Doesn't Like Rotten Eggs
So that's something else to spray around the pumpkin plant. It's so easy a child can make it (mine did):

1. Blend one egg in a can of water
2. Let it sit for 24 hours
3. Spray on and near deer-friendly plants when you don't want those hateful forlorn nasty nasty creatures destroying everything you've worked so hard to achieve... (sorry I'm rambling again)




Of course, it you wait for three days instead of one to spray the stuff, well that's your own problem!

She's my Daughter, But...

I do wish I knew who the mother was!

This is my third and final attempt of the year. I moved her to the garden tonight. She could be from a 1,000 pound pumpkin with a decent lineage, or she could be a goof-ball seed left over from 2001. I'm just not sure.




This is the plant I pulled to make way for the new gal. She had pretty good genes, and had more or less recovered from the Fluffy rampage, but she just wasn't right.